My Love Note To Always Half-Asleep

This is my love note to the author of "Always Half-Asleep.

I know that I promised earlier that I would write further about the CDs that you sent me, and about how I'd been listening to each CD over and over again but I just hadn't gotten to it yet. Mainly because I haven't been able to really listen to all of them in their entireties yet.

And I still haven't.

I have only gone through maybe three or four of your mixes, but I just had to finally write something to you today.

Why? Because I love you, seriously. It's like we're kindred music spirits, or long-lost music Wonder Twins that just needed to finally come together. Okay, let me elaborate on my gooberness:

When you first sent me the said CDs, I was going through my hair loss and a lot of self-esteem changes. I was so excited to receive your package thinking I was only going to get two CDs of your music, when lo and behold, there were like ten or so! The first CD that I popped into my player was "Light of the Moon" I believe. And then came "Sunrise" and then "Dying". I listened to them, and initially gravitated towards the songs that at first listen, caught my attention. And I'd play them over and over again. I uploaded them into my iPod so I could keep listening to them over and over again at work.

There were songs on the first three or so CDs that made me cry, made me laugh, and made me feel whole again. I am not kidding. Your CDs in every way imaginable, all the music, it just moved me, got me feeling happier, wanting to keep listening to the song over and over again like an addict, hoping to keep getting the happy feeling each time I listened to it, and I did.

Then I popped in more. I can't even remember some of the names of the CDs that you labeled, but I would just pop them into my CD player in my car and listen to them as I drove. That's when my love for you and your freakin' amazing music taste really blossomed.

Whether I was driving to something happy, or driving from something incredibly sad, or just plain confused and driving to no particular place at all, somehow, the music just...said whatever I felt. How retarded it must sound now to admit that I would be on 95 at 3 AM in the morning, with tears in my eyes, singing along to a song that just said everything that I wasn't able to say and more.

Last night was no different. I was just headed over to my parents' place to cook them dinner (I have been in the practice of making some bomb-ass spring rolls) and listening to one of your CDs (I don't even know what the label was) and two songs came on during my drive that just hit me precisely where I was at this point, and how I felt.

I had tears in my eyes as I kept listening to those two songs over and over again to my ride there, and my ride back home later in the evening. And as much as the reason for them making me cry and what it reminded me of is sad, and somewhat depressing, being able to have something facilitate the tears and let them flow was an amazing release for me. The songs didn't make all the pain go away, or make all of the problems disappear, but they certainly helped therapeutically in letting me release a lot of emotions I didn't even realize I had pent up inside.

So here is to you, Always Half-Asleep, for helping me find a deeper love and appreciation for music again, and for encouraging me (even though you probably didn't mean to) to remember that it's totally healthy and okay to let go of some tears once in a while. XOXO

I Can Drive! I Can Drive!!

Current Count:

Cons
1. slight minor bump into the side of the road, onto the curb, that I was afraid had ruined the alignment on my car.

2. Got lost a whole 3 times going to various places within the past week. Two of which I had to phone those I was headed to to get the final directions and find where exactly the hell I had found myself and the one time I was able to find my way home without any trouble at all - granted I don't know how I got where I eventually found myself, but the final result is that I made it home.

Pros
1. For one I have been able to visit friends I haven't seen in AGES. Which is always an awesome thing. I love seeing everyone, and catching up. It's nice.

2. Although J was sort of concerned that I might not be able to remember the way to Blockbuster in Timonium, or be able to navigate my way back - I insisted that I would be okay...and whatdoyaknow? I was perfectly fine! I had to drive all the way back York Rd to Towson to get onto Perring Pkwy and take the beltway there (because that's what I was familiar with even though I knew it was out of the way and a longer route) and I got home with no worries.

3. I drove all the way to DC!! Granted J was in the car with me, and I was following D - but still, I have to give it up to me, because going a little above the speed limit has freaked me out recently - due to the fact that I am just still getting used to driving again.

4. I drove BACK to Baltimore from LP's and D's house all by myself...following J... which I tell you, at 4 AM is not particularly easy. Especially cuz I was sleepy, tired, worn out from dancing, etc. But I made it. Although my parallel parking job was crooked, I could've cared less when I got home.


Now it's back to work - I have class tonight but I am soo exhausted. It's funny how just going out a few times in a weekend really wears you out to the core. I am so so so tired, and ready to take a 100-year nap.

PS. I went to LP's "Slumber Party" Saturday night - totally had a GREAT time...more on that later.

AND - I have decided that I want to register for AUTOCROSS this Spring! I told J that I am totally ready - and can't wait to go and have fun!!

Music I Love Driving To

I have found that through my driving travels - there are certain types of music that just fit while driving that I love. The kind of music that fits perfectly with just cruising along the roads, whether it be during the day or late at night.

So I have dedicated this blog post to me writing down all the songs that I have fallen in love with again while being in my Corolla.

1. All 80's love ballads. Jeeeesus Christ, as corny and as goober as half of these songs are, the most brilliant song writing occurred in the 80's. Point blank and simple. I mean, c'mon... Spandau Ballet? Boy Meets Girl? Anyone?

2. RENT The Musical Soundtrack (Disc 1 and 2) I don't care who you are or what you think - this music is fantastic and I could sing "Light My Candle" till I am blue in the face.

2.5. Okay, you know what? I take the above statement back and replace it with ALL musical soundtracks. I'm sure the guy at the traffic light on Route 40 thought I was strange singing "Defying Gravity" at the top of my lungs with the windows down.

3. Justin Timberlake's "Justified". Particularly "Take A Ride" track. I LOVE that track!

4. Shivaree "Half On A Baby" (THANK YOU GOOSE~!!!!) If you like R. Kelly, this will make you think twice when you hear how f&cking awesome this girl sounds covering his song.

5. Jurassic 5 "Feedback" album. (Thank you to my favorite "black kid", Jos)

6. Ernie Halter's "Congress Hotel" - I think of his song "Love, Look At Me Now" as my eternal scream out to the world. I love his acoustic sound - and it's a nice raw melody to help keep time while you're on the road.

7. Amos Lee - Anything by Amos Lee. My God, one of the most serene things to do is to be moving - whether it be by bus, by car, by train, and to listen to Amos Lee at high levels - what a peaceful place to be in. I would always nestle into a corner of the train from DC to MD and listen to my Amos Lee playlist on my iPod over and over and over and over again.

8. John Mayer - "Heavier Things" The entire album. Particularly "New Deep".

9. Radiohead - ANYTHING. Ahhh, totally puts me in that zone. Thinking deep, feeling the music, and just me and the road.

10. Okay, K-Pop...alright? I'll admit, I still have my old H.O.T. CD, and my old G.O.D. CD - and yes, okay, I still listen to Brown Eyes and BoA. But I am totally stuck in the 90's when it comes to Korean music. The last album I bought was 5tion's first debut album...yes, I'm that behind with the Korean times.

Just to blog...

I keep putting off my Taxi Cab Confessions Series - I know, procrastination and laziness doesn't look good on anyone, but I have been too busy perusing the streets, filling with the exhilarating rush that comes with watching the pavement roll underneath with each passing mile...

Yes, I have been driving. Where to? Places. I have been careful not to ring up too many miles in the short time that I have had my beautiful baby, however, I have come into some slight minor bumps along the way (Several years without driving will make a person go crazy, and go apesh*t to the point where I have temporary amnesia on how basic functions work. But mind you, these bouts of memory lapse last all of about two seconds. Too bad two seconds is all it takes to bump into someone/something, etc. etc.)

I promise, more decent blogging to come. Lots more exciting things are going to happen in my life. I just feel it.

My birthday is in about two weeks! And then Christmas! The only good part about Christmas is the giving. I love watching people's faces when I give them gifts. It's probably one of the best sights of life that I'd have to say make it all worth it in the end.

The Most Beautiful View In The World

This has been my view of the world for the past week and a half. And what a gorgeous sight it is -- the dashboard of my 2008 Toyota Corolla.

For this Thanksgiving, I have been most thankful more than anything for the most amazing people that I have been blessed to have in my life. Friends who love me, care for me, and make sure that I am taken care of....Friends who made this possible this year:

So thank You for friends (family):

for cars, for left foot accelerators, for poetry, for blogs, for freedom, for crummy jobs that help pay the rent and put food on the table, and for sunsets:

Been slacking...

on my post duties. And you would think I'd be posting more since I got the new laptop but I just keep coming home tired as hell, and not wanting to do anything but sleep.

I found out this morning that instead of a $420 letter for the left foot accelerator, it will only cost me $162 (IF I can pass just the final driving assessment test) otherwise it could cost me $162 + $420 = my entire soul sucked away from my body.

I wish there was a fund I could establish or something, like: "Help The Brave Get Some Wheels" or "Give me money NOW"...yeah I would've come up with something more clever but my brain shut down several hours ago. I am now on cruise control mode. Which is not good because I am behind at work.

I would write more - about how last night my Mom and I argued, as usual, about what? The usual.

Or how I wanted to slap the face of my roommate again, as usual. Over what? The usual.

Again, I would write more - but it just seems all too...usual. Heh, heh, heh.

More later... I am starving and stuffing my mouth with vending machine-donuts. Yes, I was that hungry.


-=EDIT @ 1 pm=-

Still trying to finalize the vacation plans. Seems like everyone wants to head out to Miami for the Labor Day weekend (and who wouldn't blame them? The weather should still be nice) but I know that I have some expenses coming up that I should be planning for (and have been for a while) and I also know that J was attempting to stay within a budget this next vacation. O.C. maybe? New York?

Although just now when I checked online for New York's rates they seemed pretty high for even the hostels (and I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER stay in a hostel again after the great Hostel Incident at the PvD concert of hm, what was that year? 2004? Anyway, let's just say that the bathrooms were separated from toilet and shower stalls. And that they were set up to be communal toilets, meaning: you had the stalls but no doors to have your privacy. Yeaaaaah....)

I also called Sinai this morning(which is where I found out about the new better rates) and talked to a really nice lady, Kim. She said that from the sounds of it, all that Sinai would require me to do for them was to take a final driving evaluation and if they felt that I was safe and ready to drive with anyone as my instructor (meaning: family or friends) then they would write the letter or fill out the necessary forms and send them along to MVA to get that second restriction taken off the learner's permit.

That was the good news. Especially since they said that they have availability for in-driving evaluations for the last week of August which is when I took off for the vacation and would like to time everything perfectly then.

The bad news? The money aspect of it. It always comes back to the money and how much they are going to charge me. And the fact that they are going to want to test me to see my driving abilities before they let me get that form.

This is the part that pisses me off. Because I know that I took the Driver's Ed almost (okay, yes, exactly) two years ago and haven't been in the car since. I haven't had the practice time, I haven't had anything!!! So how I am supposed to be "finally" evaluated on my driving abilities when I have had no practice?

I feel like I am being scrutinized for the disability factor. And I probably am. But what can I do at this point? Not like kicking and screaming is going to help me in my plight any further.

But think about all those kids who go in and get their learner's like everyone else and then out they go, doing the 60 hours of practicing time with their parents or their relatives and then taking the test - with no other hurdles, not having to pay someone to first evaluate them to allow them to then drive with their relatives. What the hell is that shit? Okay, I see the logic, don't get me wrong. I see why the MVA does all of this - but it's just so frustrating to me.

At first this Kim woman told me that she would have to be my driving instructor for those 60-hours because she said, "normal people would just go in and get their learner's and drive the 60-hours with other normal people and then take the testing to get their real driver's license. But then you have that restriction meaning that you have to be with me in order to complete those hours."

Okay, first off, I didn't like her use of the word "normal" but we'll save that for another blog post. Second, there is no way on this green earth and all the burning flames in hell that I would pay someone at $67-$108/per hour to sit in the car with me for 60 HOURS in order for me to drive. That's ridiculous.

So I told her what my MVA letter said. She said that okay, she guessed that the MVA was going to allow me to have the J restriction removed after I received something in writing from the licensed Rehab instructor. I said, yes that was my impression of things.

I still have to call Good Samaritan to have them fax over my records to Sinai and the lady at the scheduling said that they did have openings the last week of August.

Hopefully I can just pay the fees and get the letter and be done with all this craziness soon enough. Kim from Sinai did say at the end of our conversation, "Don't get your hopes down, I know that it's taken you forever to get to this point but things are looking up and you'll be able to drive soon enough."

It's nice to finally meet someone along this journey through all these driving rehabs that understands where I am coming from and how I might be feeling at this point. :-)

The Debate of the Century!!

Drum roll please...

Campaign 2007 is coming down to the wire and we have two very amazing candidates...

Senator Fit:

and Senator xA:

Who will you vote for?