Music was my breakfast this morning...

Who needs eggs and bacon when you've got Kanye West and Holly Brook? I had these two songs on rotate all morning long on my drive into work. And you know what? They are playing right now, too.

I have a big collection of music because for me, it's what keeps me sane. Sometimes there are just no words to explain the emotions that you feel and its just better described through lyrics. Thank God we've got some brilliant artists out there so I can release my good and bad energy every morning drive with my iPod cranked up loud.

This song is the 2nd song off of Kanye West's last dropped album: Graduation. "Champion" is awesome to me because even though the tone of the song is upbeat and kind of a "dance track" sound, if you listen to the lyrics, they are super bittersweet. It completely reminds me of my personality when shit goes bad: I smile, and seem upbeat, keep focusing on the positive yet I'll never forget that there is still sadness and frustration in my life. And eventually, I know I'll get back to being the "champion" that I know I'm supposed to be. I am quite aware of all the controversy that surrounds Mr. West, but I am not one to make sudden opinions about music artists based on what I hear in the media and what I see displayed on my TV screen. So he hit some guy...everyone's entitled to get pissed off, right? Good music is good music to me and if it helps me out of my emotional distress - well then, I'd hit that papporazzi myself.



I absolutely love Holly Brook. I love her look, I love her style, I love her voice. When I first found her album "Like Blood Like Honey", I listened to every single song more than ten thousand times over and over again. I found myself nodding vigorously with tissue clasped in hand as I listened to every lyric like it was a Lifetime movie special thinking, Oh my God, Holly Brook - you GET ME, you REALLY GET ME. This song is just one of my many favorites from this album, and if you ever get a chance you should really listen to it from cover to cover. Every song is completely melodic and brilliantly written. Plus I think that you'll agree with me when I say that after listening to it in its entirety, you feel like you should have somehow gone through a life changing journey or something and become completely depressed when you realize you've been just sitting on your couch surrounded by a pile of used tissues that equate to the amount of sorrow that you actually have in your life. *le sigh*




PS. For both of these, it really is worth it to check out the lyrics.

A little John Mayer does a heart good...

"I believe/that my life's gonna see/the love I give/returned to me." - from Wheel


I'm not going to let anything stop me from being who I am. Once I start questioning why I do the things I do - they would stop being a part of what makes me unique.

I love that I'm a goober. I love that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love that I am honest, even when it's really tough to be.


I love that life gives me the chance to experience the pain and the hurt in order to become a stronger person... but I also find it crummy.


I'm only human, and that's the best I can do.

Let me start where I feel comfortable.

I have this diamond. It's like this amazing gift that I came upon one day... it was in the disguise of a rock - but that's how all diamonds begin, isn't it? To appear as something mediocre and unusual... only to later find out that it is something precious, amazing, and beyond value.

I keep that diamond with me everywhere because it reminds me of everything good in my life with how beautiful it is to look at. It reminds me of everything complex in my life because of the cut, the prisms that connect, soak in the light and dispurse it in reflecting and refracting rays of colored rainbows. It reminds me of every single portion of my life that I treasure, the good and the bad, because no matter what happens to this diamond - its value will always hold true. Maybe not to an appraiser with his magnifying glasses pressed against his eyes - but if only to the diamond's owner: me.

This diamond that I have has scratches and nicks... but even those scratches and nicks have strong meaning to me. They allow me to keep all those memories to myself, every single scratch and nick on that diamond represents a time that I never want to forget.

And who am I to throw away the most valuable thing I own just because it has a few scratches on it? In the end, it's still a diamond, it's still gorgeous. I would be stupid to throw it away.

Most people do not understand this logic - but that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is the relationship I have between myself and what I own - whether that be family, friends, my health... my hair. Regardless of what that diamond represents, no, especially of what that diamond represents is the reason why I keep it. The reason why it will always be something I treasure, I love, I give my heart to. And I don't regret that. It's taken me a crapload of drama, a lifetime of craziness happening in just a month - in just a collective amount of four years - to realize this.

The kind of post that would make The Seed proud...

So I decided to get up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning to get to work a bit early and get some sh-t done before I go on vacation. (As much as I hate this job, I don't want to leave a pile of crap for the next person to do - or rather - more sh-t for me to do when I get back from vacation.)

In the mornings, in order to help me get up, I turn on the news to watch for what happened the day before, and the weather report, and even the traffic report (God, that's when you know you've gotten really old. When the news excites you, or is something that you pay a keen attention span to.) One of the clips was particularly interesting. They started talking about a new "brain remote" that has been developed in Japan. (Those crafty Japanese are at it again!)

For right now, the only thing that this "brain remote" can help control are toy trains - but the Japanese are working on a TV remote that will be controlled strictly by the thoughts in your brain. Scary, and yet pretty cool stuff.

I can't help but think of that scene in "Children of Men" where the dude's kid is sitting there at the dinner table with wires hooked up to his brain, and his fingertips hooked up to these mini wires and his fingers flying across some holographic board. It was kind of creepy. So at 4:30AM when the newscaster says "brain remote" this image is what pops into my sleep deprived mind.

You can read more about it here: http://http://www.livescience.com/technology/070622_ap_brain_remote.html

Mondays & Other Idle Ramblings

What is it with Mondays? Seriously. I don't think that it would make such a difference if the weather patterns didn't correlate with how I feel so damn much.

For instance, this past weekend = GORGEOUS! The sun was shining, we had clear skies, birds were singing - yada, yada, yada (Perfect weather for a beautiful baptism, by the way.) But now...it's Monday again and what?! It's freakin' cold as ever outside. Freakin' wind chills, freakin' slight overcast. What's up with that? My only consolation this morning was a slight hint of sunshine piercing through the clouds and reflecting off the building. But did I feel that sunshine's warmth? NO! Of course not.

So what lesson have we learned from the weatherman? Well, nothing extraordinary or anything like that. Mostly what we already knew which is that: weekends = awesome weather for an awesome, relaxing period of two days and weekdays = nasty, cold, dismal days in which we head back to the grind to sit on our asses and ...well, write blogs all day. (:-))

Besides that I have to write this paper on the establishment of the Maryland colony and its downfalls and all that bologna. Is this kind of knowledge really going to help me when I become a P.A.? Unless I am consulting my patient who just happens to be a descendant of the Calvert family, probably not. It's truly ridiculous and if the teacher wasn't so damn cool then I'd truly procrastinate until the night before and just write crap on a page. But I feel like, hey, the dude is 85 years old (yes, that's right I have an 85-year old teacher), I should at least give him the decency of a well-written paper.

Although, his cool factor totally went down a notch when he was handing out topics for our term paper and he gave me "The Life and Times of Dolly Madison" (Okay, insert a WTF?! right here) Dolly Madison? What did she ever do for this country besides be James Madison's wife? (Okay, wait, I am sure she did some terrific accomplishments in her time but it's not like she's Adams' wife who started those - Jeeesus, what were they called? Some kind of house where the lower class could stay...wasn't that it? Haha, can you tell I am quite the history buff?) So I asked him to give me another topic, for his sake and mine.

He said alright, what about "The Glorious Revolution in England and its effects on Maryland"?

...Okay, I'll take that one. Begrudgingly, but I'll take it.

Thus, back to the monotonous grind that is ...the work week. Behold! All you memos, money transfers, advances and office supplies! 'Tis another five days of your hell being bestowed upon me so that I may pay my bills.

Driving Lessons and Bad Dreams

Last night was the final driving "lesson" with Ms. Joan Carter. She has to be one of the sweetest people that I have had the pleasure of meeting. What started out as just an hour and a half driving lesson turned into a two hour fest of her splurging all of her personal life onto me, interjecting enthusiastically here and there with a "ohh, honey, I am spilling my whole life to you, and tellin' you my business but you are so cordial and relaxing. I hope you don't mind..." and without any pause of waiting for my answer or reaction would commence into another slew of the drama going on in her life.


What's awesome about it is that she said she would write an awesome report for me and ask to have that attached to my certificate so that I could take it to Sinai when I go for my "rehabilitation". What a joke. I explained to her my situation and she was amazingly supportive.


After that, I went home. It was mad late. I was so sleepy and groggy and cold. I crept into my bed and curled up into the sheets, turning on the side lamp and started opening my mail for that day.

After such a crappy past couple of weeks and an entire month of January I have had - what should I get in the mail? A package from an angel! (I already had expected it to come but I didn't expect to read what was written there.) Let's just say that I cried last night for the first time in a very long time those happy tears that I thought would never come.


When I woke up this morning I had this horrible feeling. I have been having these ridiculously vivid and horrifying dreams as of late. But this one I couldn't remember anything about. It was just like bad food - that left a horrible taste in your mouth. The aftermath of the dream was me just feeling like I had lost something very dear to me, or that I am about to lose something very dear to me. Let's hope it's just a dream and nothing close to reality.


For the meantime, I'll end this with I love you L-Boogie and J - sorry for replying so late but I am on MY WAY TO FREEDOM!!!