Big Chemistry Exam Today

Too bad I can't ask for an exam make-up due to a broken heart and broken self-esteem.

I tried to study all weekend but that was just a joke. Flipping through textbook pages apparently doesn't help you retain any of the information faster or more effectively than actually reading the book.

Or maybe it will. That's what I am hoping for since that's all I was capable of doing all weekend. Flipping pages. Pages of my notes from lecture, pages from my chemistry textbook, pages from my past journals, pages from my current journal. Tons and tons of pages.

That and flipping channels. I have become an Olympic channel-flipper. I don't even have the attention span for a commercial. "Geico could save yo-" Nope, click. Flip. Keep moving.

I guess it's to keep my mind from staying on one particular thing for too long. All things in life can be played like a messed-up game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. In the end, they all can somehow be linked to the fucked-up things in your life.

Example 1:

Studying at Barnes & Nobles with my classmate. She wants to go to the Towson one. We used to go there and read through the books together. We'd pick up magazines while waiting for our friends to call us and talk to each other about the articles we were reading.

I kept staring at the magazine racks while my classmate and I were sitting at Starbucks.

Example 2:

I am up late last night. I can't sleep. Although I try to keep flipping, I land on the Hair for Men Club commercial. I am watching the testimonials. Fucking men and their societal acceptance of being bald.

Okay, so those were only one degree, technically. But regardless, I can't shut it off. I can't stop thinking about any of it. And I've decided to stop trying to. I've decided the best thing to do is just be sad for once. Just for a little while - nothing extensive. But just admit that I'm sad because sad things happened recently. And I am starting to actually feel better about them today.

At least it's a start.