Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Feeling a little like a loser, and less like a winner

So Monday is the first day of school. Or should be. Unfortunately, financial aid/counselors/and myself has screwed that schedule up for me. I think as much as I feel bad for the situation - other people's opinions of it take a huge toll on me as well.

I feel like such a loser today. My transcript says that I am in level 2 of Academic Probation which is against what the guidance counselor that I met with last semester had explained to me. I was also told that I would be out of the Academic Probation phase if I got a B or higher in the one class that I was being allowed to take (English 102). I got an A. And yet I still received a letter in the mail stating that I did not meet the expectations of the Director of some bullshit or another and now I am left with nothing.

I was talking to N the other night unexpectedly (one because I am never on AIM anymore and two...well because it's N and I hardly ever talk to him) and at the question on whether I was taking classes or not, he exclaimed in bold capital letters "WHERE'S THE EMMA I KNEW AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?" ...way to make me feel like a Rocky-champ.

But in the end, no matter what, the only person to blame for this is myself. I mean if I had studied and actually applied myself that last semester that I was in college before the whole fiasco had occurred, then I wouldn't have ended up in this mess. But ahhh, so goes the past. And as they say, the harder you hold tight to the past, the harder it is to step forward into the future.

I am still upset though. Hopefully, I can say that during the summer I will take courses. Which means I won't be able to take the vacations that I wanted. At least not when I wanted to take them. But education is way more important to me right now. I need further direction in my life rather than sitting home and watching TV until I fall asleep.

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