Food for thought...Remnants of High School Dreams til Now

This was the prelude for the 2001 edition of my high school's literary magazine, Synergy, written by Ben Paley:

Familia

Come, brother. Come, sister. This year we cekebrate parts of a whole. We are all members, in our own way, of some type of family, be it through blood, through understanding, or through classification. Here, we present to you a new family, a family of works which has all the intricate complexities of any family: the protective older brother, the spinster cousin, the parent who watches over the rest, the disgruntled child who sits quietly in the corner. All the poignancy, the potential for agreement and disagreement, for love and for hate, exists within this family we have created. But, as in any family, each piece has its place, fulfills its role. Only now, the family is anxious. An aura of solicitude hangs over them for a member who has died, or rather, has not yet been born. You, reader, are the member who is absent. It is the pregnancy with the idea of you that sustains this book. So, more than just reading, we invite you to participate: to weep at the sorrow of a widowed aunt, to be angered by a father, to find solace in the wise words of a grandparent, to become a part of this family, for, as parts of a whole, "we are here to split the life" (Oliver 44).

And here I have come to "split the life". To find myself as a part of this whole that we call life. It's been a long hard road and there's probably more rough terrain ahead, but at least I know I can steady my footprint in the ground that has already been walked on by many.

I have been trying so hard to find my place in this world as an individual, but I think that to start out with the individual and focus so much on it is to go crazy. After a while you begin to feel as if you're alone, and the world around you is just a back alley that you tend to wander, pacing in and out of the shadows. Instead, let me think of myself as a part of a whole, a tender piece of fruit that leads to the seed below to help encourage growth.

But what am I part of? My group of friends be them: Korean adoptees, Korean Americans, Asian Americans, close friends, Biology majors, family. In a way, I am a part of them all honestly, just as much as they are a part of me.

Okay, I knew Chinese people were cool but....

What is this?!?!

Dragon Beard Candy

Okay, first they create paper.

Then the printing press.

A couple (okay, several) thousands of years later they create great people like Andy, Chao, & TL....

but now this?! Dragon Beard Candy? Whaaa???

And you know the best part -- this was a link in my Gmail account above the inbox. God, yet another reason to love Gmail.

When the memories come...

I was 3 months old when I came off the plane in BWI Airport from Korea into the arms of my mother and father. For so long, I was told to be happy that I didn't own any devastating infancy memories of abandonment or abuse. But the fact of the matter is, I don't own any memories at all. Well, that's not completely true.

They say that a newborn's first years are the most understated and underrated years of life. There are parenting books that say just because they are newborns or babies doesn't mean that what you do as a parent or caretaker won't mean anything and it doesn't mean that babies won't have memories, too. I wasn't sure how much of this I believed until my memories started rushing in. And in the strangest and most memorable times.

It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school that I got my first "memory" of the Homeland and of my birthparents. I was really sick and to this day, it was never really diagnosed fully what I had experienced (although after going to six different medical specialists I had six different diagnoses: IBD, some rare form of IBD, small intestine inflammation, etc.). Regardless, I was in the worst pain that I had ever been in in my life. By the middle of 10th grade, I had to be removed from school and placed in a hospital. At my time of arrival, I weighed in at 75 lbs. because my body couldn't hold any of the food that I put in it and I was constantly nauseated by my own stomach acid. They placed me on IVs and then stuck me in a hospital bed. During my stay, my close Korean friend came to visit me, and sat down at my bedside. I remember just being completely out of it as he tried to talk to me. But then, all of a sudden, I felt his hand touch my cheek, and I heard the soft sound of his voice as he began to sing "San Toki".

But even though the small conscious part of me recognized that it was him who was singing, for some reason, I heard a woman's instead. A softer voice, and then the touch of a cooler, softer hand, and I closed my eyes and just clung to this feeling. It was this warm feeling that rushed over me, as if the warmth were someone trying to guide me into memory, as if to say "You've been here before. You know it this place."

A week later, I was completely healthy and returned home. I told my friend all about it, and was so excited and yet overwhelmed by how much this one instance had stuck with me, and had left me with this bittersweet happiness.

He said, "Eun-jung ee, don't you know? That was your hangukae uhma singing to you. You can remember now."

From then on, memories of her seep through me. And I think about her and him on a regular basis. What do they look like? Are they proud of me? Do they know I am not angry at them? Do they know that I am not sad at how things turned out? Do they know that I want to be a part of their lives? Do they want to be a part of mine?

A Storm is A Brewin'

Justin informed me yesterday that D is thinking of moving out by April because he can't afford rent. Where does that leave me now? Is it a sign to push me forward to find something else?

Bulgogi Withdraw

Omgoodness...how long is it going to be till I have the sweet and succulent taste of bulgogi in my mouth? How long I say?!

It's like this: I am sitting in my bed, all snuggled up with the most erotic of readings (American History: A View on the New World from its Beginnings to 1588. Don't lie, it's a page-turner for you, too) and watching American Idol (because c'mon, gotta represent my love for PAUL KIM!!!) and my stomach starts growling.

Don't begin to mention that I had already gorged myself on food (and some left over cake I had managed to salvage, heh heh heh) or that I had been snacking on CHIPS (horrid, horrid, horrid) for the past, oh, let's just make up a short amount of time, say like 5 minutes? And now all of sudden, my stomach decides that its hungry. And not just for anything...for bulgogi.

Last time I ate bulgogi was in December...DECEMBER! Do you realize that means its been a whole 60 days or so since I have tasted bulgogi? And even though we had meat on J's birthday, for me, nothing comes close to the taste of the homeland.

Which reminds me...is this year going to be another year of traveling? I was talking to JV tonight and he was trying to convince me to go back to the Motherland. I am not sure if I am ready for all that yet. I keep going back and forth with this idea and notion that going back to Korea would be like creating a peace inside of myself. But at the same time, I feel like I would be unable to do it alone. I kind of also want to wait until school is finished, which will only be a few more years...but then I could argue the point that you never know how many years you have left.

It's a layered cake situation. That's what I call something that is super complicated because cake is one of those things that is bittersweet. It's a special occasion when you have some, but afterwards it leaves you with a slight guilt because of all the layered goodness that it has. And the more layers it has, the more you have to love and hate it for. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what adoption/birthfamily issues have become for me. A layered cake situation.

But damn, what I wouldn't give for some bulgogi right now...

Addicted...The YouTube Virus

Okay, so for a while now I have been asking everyone -- what's the big deal with this YouTube business? I would catch people in their cubicles at work as I walked by just watching these stupid viral videos of people jumping off huge ramps in their backyards or pulling horrible pranks on unsuspecting people...Sure, okay, some of them were pretty darn funny. But still, what was the deal?

God only knows what possessed me to check out YouTube this past weekend. I think President's Day was the day of DOOM. I was just sitting chilling on my computer and I just suddenly got the urge to check it out. Big huge mistake.

Now I am addicted. Why? Because people getting hurt is hilarious? Possibly. Because there are just some freakin' web geeks out there who create some pretty damn cool shit for viewers out there? Even bigger possibility.

Or it might have been this guy:





Entertainment at it's best. That's what I'm saying.

Surprise Birthday Success!!!!

So J had his full surprise good-ness on Friday night. Couldn't have pulled it off without all his amazing friends.

I have to admit that I was super nervous about the whole thing, only because I have NEVER put together a surprise anything (most of the people in my family are like anti-surprise). It was really funny driving to Greenfield because as I predicted, J went right to speeding on 695. I think from the get-go we were doing 80 mph and though usually I don't say anything, I found myself blurting out "Slow down a bit!" and he turned and looked at me like I was crazy. haha!

When we got there, he was so busy fumbling with his wallet and keys in his pockets that he didn't really notice EVERYONE sitting right there...until he looked up and started to realize that all his friends were sitting there!!! I just remember him blurting out "Holy sh*..." and not even really being able to finish it fully.

It was pretty damn awesome. Totally priceless. And he completely deserved it. So here's to J - hope that your birthday was all that and more, hon.

Once my computer starts to fully work and not act so freakin' retarded I will post the pics up!! :-)

Living as a work of art

Last night, for whatever reason, I popped "Memoirs of a Geisha" into my DVD player while I was studying for class.

As many times as I have seen this movie, something about watching it last night, maybe the fact that I was at first half-listening, and half-reading my textbook, or the fact that I have been completely exhausted emotionally lately, made me recognize a lot of things in the movie that have transcended into the stereotypes that haunt (or drive) Asian women or women in general today.

In the movie, the voice over for Saiyuri says: "To be a geisha is to sell your talents, not to sell your body. You are to present yourself as a living work of art."

I guess I have lived most of my life trying to be my own living work of art. The idea of doing it just for the sake of one man's (or several men's) happiness is overwhelming to me. I couldn't imagine what pressure it must bring to a woman to be in a society centered around a woman being beautiful and "skilled". In high school, I used to parade around in my baggy jeans or my overalls and bright colored sweaters, writing about my life, and pieces of life in poems and prose, and essays. I'd spend hours in my parents' basement late at night, with a paintbrush in my hand and an empty canvas in front of me, starting to find myself as an artist. I defined myself by the art that I was passionate to create. That was me living as my works of art.

As I got older, (and I am thinking this as I am writing) perhaps I have succumbed to living as a work of art. I traded in my paintbrush for clothes, and make-up. I haven't traded in my pen yet though. I like knowing that the little writing that I urge myself to complete, I can share with that special person one day - hoping that for even just a brief moment he'll try to understand where it all came from, and what part of me it is.

My Valentine's Day Post (about anything but Valentine's Day)

It was completely disasterous this morning. What a disgusting mix of winter funk. Ice, sleet, hail, blah blah blah...

Justin woke up this morning and took one look outside and didn't even want to brave going out but did anyway. When he walked outside to scrape the ice off his car, it was pretty comical. He kept breaking any of the car ice picks or scrapers that he could find in his shed until all he had left was this tiny little hand scraper.

Besides that, I have no idea why I made it into work today. Nor do I feel the motivation to do any work. Schools are closed and most businesses are closed, and I am one of three in my entire department.

Last year, Valentine's Day was definitely not this cold. I remember being able to go outside with a nice warm jacket and going to dinner at least. Not like now, it's too freakin' icey to do anything.

But I hope that it clears up by the weekend. I've got big plans!!! I have to swap out my iPod for a new one because the audio piece completely shut off the right earpiece. Perfect. And the sales guy at the store in Towson was totally trying to get me to buy an iBook and I was pretty damn near sold - until I came home and told J and he snapped me out of it.

Regardless, I hope all you other peeps out there enjoy your day at home, drink some hot chocolate, snuggle up with the one you love, and watch some good ole romance movies or something gushy like that.

The Taste of My Chocolate is...

Kimchi and Korean garlic.

I swear, the taste of kimchi in my mouth is the sweetest taste ever, and I could spend hours just sitting at the table, wrapping up pieces of it in lettuce with a big sticky clump of rice and rolling into my mouth. Yummmm....

Korean garlic for me is one of the best things ever created. I don't know what makes it different, or whether it's where it's grown in Korea - but for some reason, the taste of it has this sweetness to it that is just like sugar. For me, that is my aphrodisiac. Most people think I am crazy, but I didn't always love Korean food the way that I do now.

It was something I grew into - just like I grew into my skin, and I remember when I was nine years old I used to get my haircut at the local place down the street from my parents' house. K Hair Studio (took my mom forever to figure out that the K stood for Korean) was owned by Ms. Sunny. She was one of the most influential people in my life...harboring in that little shop all the Korean that one little girl could expose herself to.

Everytime I came in to get my haircut in the early mornings on the weekends, there'd be no one in the chairs, no one by the hair sinks...but you could smell this strong smell of garlic and kimchi coming from the back of the salon.

In the back was this two-by-two kitchen where Ms. Sunny and Ms. Su and their friends would sit and cook Korean food. This is how I learned how to eat kimchi. They would call me into their tiny kitchen and pull up a small chair to the card table they had set up in the middle. On the tabletop there was this array of fresh cut lettuce leaves and a huge bowl of kimchi and rice in the middle with plastic spoons that were wrapped in plastic wrap.

"Clump the kimchi and rice together, Eunjung-ee...yes, like that"

"Ahjuma likes her kimchi hot, look, put some extra pepper paste on yours. You'll learn to like it soon. This is what your ancestors ate..."

So now whenever I get monthly "cravings"...while everyone is out rummaging from chocolate bags, and chocolate mousse and chocolate cake... all I want is that sweet, crisp taste of kimchi and Korean garlic, to bring me back to the homeland.

February Birthdays & the Grammys

Craziness how so many people in my life are February birthdays! This past Sunday I went over to my brother's house to celebrate his 31st and my sister's 12th. His birthday is the 15th of February and hers was the 5th.

I can't believe she has gotten so big already. Once my sister sends me the pictures (because I forgot to bring my camera) I will post them up. I can't believe it though. It feels like just yesterday when I turned 12 and I thought I was so big, one more year till I hit the teenage years. I remember looking forward to the future and thinking it was so far off...

Now it's hardly the case.

Anyways, the food was awesome. My Mom made some lasagna and salad. Everyone made a big deal about me not drinking soda anymore.

Psh, so I have been pretty good about eating despite J making fun of me the night before over my Cheez-it box. Geesh...it happened just once! I have been so proud of my results lately. Just feeling more alive and a lot more energized from working out. I look forward to it every single day.

Okay... so onto more entertaining matters - last night was the Grammy Awards!!!!! Again, as always, the musical acts were AMAZING.

If you missed it, check out http://www.grammy.com to see clips from the previous night and also to see pictures of everyone who showed up!

I was so happy to see the girl that won that spot to sing live with Justin Timberlake. She did so well! I would've been too nervous to remember any of the words - but she just jumped right in and did her thing.

PS. Was anyone else as shocked as I was to see that Imogen Heap was listed in the "best new artist" category but The Fray wasn't? What's going on with that? I mean I love Imogen Heap just as much... although I didn't really listen to Carrie Underwood at all this year - seemed like it was country music's year. The Dixie Chicks walked away with five Grammys in all five categories they were nominated in and Ms. Underwood won for "best new artist" and "best country single" or some category like that for "Jesus, Take The Wheel". And Mary J Blige won in the Best R & B Album category, rightfully so (that album was amazing).

BTW, Ludacris & Mary J. Blige's performance was really terrific. So was Christina Aguilera's rendition of "A Man's World" by James Brown....c'mon though, Aguilera's voice is freakin' ridiculous. At the end of her performance all I could muster to utter was "Jesus, that girl that effing sing."

Hope everyone's weekend was fun and relaxing. :-)

Second Day of American History Class

I have no idea how I am going to make it through this class. As much as I love the teacher, and he is amazingly sweet...he likes to go off on these tangents. They are historically relevant tangents, mind you...but still tangents nonetheless.

And even though on the syllabus it said you only had to read Ch 1 & 2 (which alone was a freakin' chore for me to do) he ended the class with the last half hour talking about stuff that was in Ch. 3!! He hardly really ever touched what was read in the textbook...have I been so far away from school that I forgot how a class is? Is that normal? It's been like two years since I have sat in a classroom.

Maybe I am just freaking out because I hate history and my entire GPA and academic probation status rests on this damn course.

Other than that, I hate evening classes. To all you youngins still taking full time school and away for college - ENJOY IT! You have your entire life wrapped around school rather than the other way around. For me, I get there to class and I have been up since 4:30 AM and I just want to sleep. I am tired from work, hungry because I haven't had anything to eat since 2 pm...I mean it sucks but I think it'll make me stronger. It just sucks because I know I could be so much more attentive in a class I particularly hate if I was able to attend during the day. I don't know how I am going to deal with Chemistry and Math courses at night...ugh.

Anyways, end of story. Hope everyone has a great WEEKEND!

You're a 90's kid if....

(Had to steal this from another post from another site...I loved it!)
You're a 90's kid if:
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"
You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.
You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You danced to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.)
You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who............and still all ended up being Tommy.
You remember when super nintendo's became popular.
You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
"I've fallen and I can't get up"
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
Two words... Trapper Keeper.
You never got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide
You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCEhe jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles
NANCY DREW AND THE HARDY BOYS WERE THE BEST MYSTERY BOOKS
Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)
You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.
You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
You remember a time before the WB.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" ... enough said
You thought Brain woud finally take over the world
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You remember when everyone went slinky crazy.
You remember when razor scooters were cool.
When we were younger:
Before the MySpace frenzy...
Before the Internet & text messaging...
Before Sidekicks & iPods...
Before MIKE JONES...
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX......
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
Way back.
Tag.Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.
Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.
Red Light, Green Light.
Heads Up 7 Up.
Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Hopskotch.
Slip-n-Slides.
Tree Houses.
Hula Hoops.
HELLO....HOT WHEELS!!!!!
"POWER OF LOVE" BY CELINE DION..ONLY COUPLES COULD SKATE TO THIS.
The annoying Giga Pets & Furbies.
Running through the sprinklers.
That "Little Mermaid"
Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.
Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.
Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.
Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"
CAPRI SUN
Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your TMNT, Power Rangers, Barbie, Fairy Princess comforter.
The original Power Rangers

Or what about:
Hey Arnold.
Rugrats.
The Secret World of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Double Dare.
Rocco's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
CAMP NOWHERE
Salute Your Shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of All That.
Kenan & Kel.
"CITY GUYS"...ROLLW/ THE CITY GUYS
Doug.
Magic School Bus.
Nick Arcade.
Flash Forward.
The Adventures of Pete and Pete.
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Hey Dude.
Dinosaurs.
Alladin.
Mummies Alive
Pinky and the Brain
Sailor Moon.
Blossom.
Hangin with Mr. Cooper.
Martin
Beavis & Butt-Head
Wishbone.
Bill Nye the Science Guy
MR RODGERS!!!!
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
or Nick Jr. with Face
Gulah Gulah Island
Little Bear
Busy Town
Under the Umbrella Tree
PEE-WEE!!!
The Big Comfy Couch
Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.
Class field trips.
When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.
When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when:
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!
''Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly.'
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.
Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.
When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
Another Baby Sitter Club and Little Sister (Karen) book came out and you put your name on hold for it at the library.
When Aladdin was new, before the trilogy was complete.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

Driving Lessons and Bad Dreams

Last night was the final driving "lesson" with Ms. Joan Carter. She has to be one of the sweetest people that I have had the pleasure of meeting. What started out as just an hour and a half driving lesson turned into a two hour fest of her splurging all of her personal life onto me, interjecting enthusiastically here and there with a "ohh, honey, I am spilling my whole life to you, and tellin' you my business but you are so cordial and relaxing. I hope you don't mind..." and without any pause of waiting for my answer or reaction would commence into another slew of the drama going on in her life.


What's awesome about it is that she said she would write an awesome report for me and ask to have that attached to my certificate so that I could take it to Sinai when I go for my "rehabilitation". What a joke. I explained to her my situation and she was amazingly supportive.


After that, I went home. It was mad late. I was so sleepy and groggy and cold. I crept into my bed and curled up into the sheets, turning on the side lamp and started opening my mail for that day.

After such a crappy past couple of weeks and an entire month of January I have had - what should I get in the mail? A package from an angel! (I already had expected it to come but I didn't expect to read what was written there.) Let's just say that I cried last night for the first time in a very long time those happy tears that I thought would never come.


When I woke up this morning I had this horrible feeling. I have been having these ridiculously vivid and horrifying dreams as of late. But this one I couldn't remember anything about. It was just like bad food - that left a horrible taste in your mouth. The aftermath of the dream was me just feeling like I had lost something very dear to me, or that I am about to lose something very dear to me. Let's hope it's just a dream and nothing close to reality.


For the meantime, I'll end this with I love you L-Boogie and J - sorry for replying so late but I am on MY WAY TO FREEDOM!!!

Quote of the Day

"I beat him up so bad that they had to operate on his shadow." - Flip Wilson

Gotta stay strong...I tried studying this weekend for history - wayyyy super boring. But I am determined to get a good grade in this class this year. No if's and's or but's.

First Day(erm...night) of History Class

I have to say that when I walked into the class room tonight - despite the fact that it is the first class and usually they have everyone there before they realize how ridiculous the class is and stop showing up - but regardless there was still a good number of people.
I sat in the back because I want to take the quiet role this time around. I used to always be the one that spoke out - but I guess I am too tired from work and stress and basics of life to speak out about anything anymore.

But on further with the class - the teacher, Mr. Addy is pretty awesome. He walks in and you think he's going to be some generic old guy. The kind who can't hear, doesn't really want to be there and has nothing really pertinent to say. But then he starts the lecture. And he's funny. Not in the old guy embarrassing way funny, but the intelligent, gotta-be-intentive-to-catch-the-jokes funny. Which is perfect to keep me awake for these night classes.

I remember when I first took my first history class at night - when the teacher stood at the front of the class and sympathized with the students having to be up since 5 AM - working and then going there...that I didn't quite understand and kinda felt sorry for those folks. BAH, now I am one of them. Been up since 4:30 AM and still rolling. I haven't had anything to eat besides a peanut butter sandwich and some left over tuna fish at lunch. And a shitload of chocolate chip granola bars because that's all I could find in my food-bin. I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while, can you tell?

Anyways - this teacher. He's making it pretty easy to pass this class. Which is definitely up on my top priority list. I have to ace this class to get myself out of academic probation for all the stupid crap that I got myself into three years ago. But as I say - you live and you learn. Gotta make the mistakes in order to learn how to correct them. And now I am more determined than ever to make this work. I have a goal now - I have the drive and the will...just gotta keep up with the energy.

Crossing my fingers...