Thursday, June 14, 2007

Stuck in the Middle

This whole license process has been so draining - emotionally, physically...I am just so tired all the time and I pick up the phone with the slight expectation to always be disappointed. And no one ever fails.

I keep trying to keep my head up - try with every ounce within me not to break down to tears every time I have to restate my entire story to another service coordinator or assistant to the assistant of some sort of physical therapy service of the division of something or other representing the State of Maryland. You would think it would get easier each time that I had to repeat the same story, but it actually has gotten harder. Just for the simple fact that every time I start the phone conversation with "Well, it started a year ago when the MVA put the restriction on my license once they found out I had cerebral palsy..." it just means that I am now 20 minutes farther from getting my license. 20 minutes spent telling someone on the other line a story that I know they could care less about.

Today my service coordinator (who was assigned to me through the county a long time ago) told me to call DORS (Division of Rehabilitation Services) to confirm the appointment that I had received by letter a week or so ago.

"Hello. Division of Rehabilitation Services, good day, how can I help you?" came an elderly lady's voice on the other end.

"Oh, um, hello. Good morning. My name is EJ and I received a letter about a week ago stating that I should come in for my DORS orientation this Monday at 9 AM."


"Yes, and well, I had a few questions about the paperwork that I need to bring. It says right here: 'It will be very helpful if you being any available medical documentation about your disability to the orientation hearing' and I was wondering - what kind of medical documentation are you looking for?" I asked, staring at the letter in front of me. I was hoping that she would give me some kind of specifics. Primarily because I didn't want to have to go and dig up the paperwork from when I was originally diagnosed 21 years ago. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look for that stuff. It's probably stuffed in a dilapidated box in the attic of my parents' house for all I know.

"Anything to prove you're disabled and you need our services. What is your disability?"

"Um, cerebral palsy."

"Well I am assuming you would need something from your doctor stating that that is your exact medical condition. Now what kind of job are you trying to obtain?"

"Job? Excuse me? I already have a job... I was referred to DORS for help in obtaining my driver's license," I said a bit confused.

"Well we don't help you unless you don't have a job. If you already have a job, then you should go speak with the United Cerebral Palsy...they can help you better there," the lady said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, still puzzled. I was told that DORS would be able to help me with my dilemma. I am a little confused."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but there is nothing we can do for you here."


I hate feeling like I am straddling an invisible line. I am not involved or desperate enough to get help from the State or from UCP (because I have already tried to call them) but apparently, I am involved and physically challenged enough for the MVA to put a restriction on my license and make me run around in circles for a license.

I don't know what else to do. I am stuck in the middle, and it feels like this neverending tug of war going on. I just wish that someone would press stop on this hellish merry-go-round.

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